Insanity (worst. idea. ever.)

10 Jul

I don’t understand. Why do people pay money for this? Seriously? $120! For real … people pay one-hundred-and-twenty dollars of American currency for this workout, a workout in which, even if you aren’t trying you’re hardest, you’ll see stars (and I’m not talking the celebrity or celestial kind). Every man I know raves about it, and even a few women, but you really have to be some type of masochist to really like this.

For the week of the 4th of July, my gym was doing a few class specials, one being Insanity. This course was to be the same as the workout craze created by professional trainer/ lead masochist Shaun T., who hails from the same cloth as the P90X phenomenon and has had the same effect on America’s obsession with being “shredded” and “ripped” in about 60 days or so.

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(See what I did there)

Great, I thought, now I don’t have to buy the DVD to try it. What follows is the description from the manufacture for Insanity:

“Your personal trainer Shaun T will push you past your limits with 10 DVDs packed with cardio and plyometric drills with intervals of strength, power, resistance, and core training. No equipment or weights is needed, and you don’t have to be in extreme shape to do it. As long as you’re ready to dig deep, Shaun will help you get insane results in just 60 days.”

Damn straight. But let me start from the beginning.

9 am. I walked into the room where they were holding the class. Willy was there (because she’s B.A.) and a few other women sparsely scattered across the room. I always find it amazing how fear breads friendship–lots of hellos and raised eyebrows and stolen glares when someone new walked into the room. Again, mostly women, but a few men here and there, one a neighbor to me.

Small and spritely in his Navy issued work-out shorts and work-out t-shirt that was tucked into his shorts with matching navy blue and gold sneakers (I think he graduated from the Naval Academy) he was really nice and gave me some insight on what was to come.  I’ll call him “Navy guy” (I think he might have been hitting on me a bit) was quick to warn me not to push it too hard even if it felt easy at first and to pace myself. That, he suggested, was the key to making it through.

I took one last look around the room before we started –lot’s people, all different ages all different body types, just running in, just coming from another class (clearly they had no idea about this class or the title or had mistake the room for the one with Zumba),  and our instructor who was tall, toned, lanky, curly-headed, and annoyingly perky which meant we were in for a long hour. I’m not sure why, but from where I was standing, it seemed like she towered over us. I must know more people on earth with Marfan Syndrome than anyone else.

Since the program is broken up into blocks, I shall relate my experience in said blocks:

  • Warm-up: Are you kidding me? That was a warm-up? Some guy almost passed out before the end of it. My heart was pounding and I had to get water in the first 5 minutes which is where I met the sassy Lucile–she came with her daughter and wasn’t stopping until time was up. She was going to” modify the whole damn thing if she needed to” which brings up a great point. Because we were in a class and not doing the DVD, we had three or four different options for variations of the moves for each block and this DID help us get through the hour.
  • Block One: Not so bad–some lunges, punches, kicks, repeat. We repeat each of the 4 moves, at our 30 second intervals four times, and then we rest.
  • Block Two: I’m not sure if it was the combo of running in place like a football player and then dropping to the floor, or doing that and then getting up quickly, or doing all of that and then doing jumping kick things, but at some point during the second time of this jam, I actually saw stars–small flashes of light in front of my face. This is a big thing for me. I’ve never seen stars before in my life from working out. It was insane, I thought. And then I got the irony of the name of the workout program and started to laugh, which made me look insane (oh, irony).
  • Block Three: I don’t remember a lot of this block except for the lunges where we touched the ground, hating the song choice, and Lucile and I making faces at each other along with some other class members who’s names I didn’t know. “Navy guy” wasn’t doing too well, taking frequent stops so I tried not to make too much eye contact.
  • Block Four: I am good at on-my-toes-butt-in-the-air-triangle-push-ups. This is a new skill I must add to my resume. Also, totally outlasted “Navy guy” in the plank (I ❤ irony!).
  • Block Five: For the first time, ever, in my entire life, I felt all six of my ab muscles while not doing anything (this was after a block of doing a lot of sometings) … now I know why all those people who have six-pack abs like to walk around without shirts.

And finally, we were done (thank you, sweet baby Jesus).

EVERYONE was drenched in sweat, FGs, FBs, skinny, small, tall, didn’t matter. They should have put out buckets so people could have rung out their shirts as they left.

One critical mistake I made: Eating before this–thought it was a great idea so I don’t pass out. Would have been a better idea to wake up an hour early and eat something.

I have never done anything that intense in my entire life and I’ve run a half-marathon for a goal time … up hills. Different people react to different exercises in different ways, and I guess this just isn’t one I react to well. Don’t get me wrong, I like to work-out hard, but when it comes to almost passing out to get six-pack abs or just working out to get toned abs, I’ll deal with the latter, because, as Lucile said,  “the former is just insane” (three times in one post!).

Overall–NEVER again … maybe.Unknown

 

 

Next week readers … we’re back to running. Only two more cross training entries for this month of cross training ventures!

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2 Responses to “Insanity (worst. idea. ever.)”

  1. fatgrlrunning July 11, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

    Thanks for letting me see that! Honestly, I’ve heard/seen so many good things about it I thought maybe it was just this FGR, but alas, it seems I’m not alone.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Wednesday. July 10th, 2013…………………..Day 20/60 | Creating J.Lyn - July 11, 2013

    […] Insanity (worst. idea. ever.) (fatgirlrunning21.wordpress.com) […]

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